someone threw a dead crab at me
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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