its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
