please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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