I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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