do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
