literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It's just like the Real World with babies
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
