If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
