Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
