Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
