I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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