is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
