I will die if light touches me.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
