you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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