You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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