is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
