I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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