Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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