I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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