Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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