it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
