That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Acid is not a monday night drug
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize