Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Your cock deserves a montage
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
