i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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