It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
