I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
