maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
