It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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