I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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