you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
