No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
