Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
