Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
please come you make the beer taste better
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
