im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
