I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize