At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
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