Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
