Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
