my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
