Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
