I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
