i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
