We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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