: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
