dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
