Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize