new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
