I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
