K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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