Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
this boner is exhausting
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
