If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
