I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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