Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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