he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
