garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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