I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
