my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
