so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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