I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
