Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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