It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
