I wanna passion pit in your ass
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
