He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
