fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I want a musical about memes.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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