i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
