Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
