ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
