therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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