If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
