Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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