I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
