Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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