Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
