some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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