Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
