u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
