I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I CAN MOONWALK!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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