Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
