I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
