I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
