sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
